ABC-To-Achive-Your-Dreams

Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.



Believe in yourself.



Consider things from every angle.



Don't give up and don't give in.



Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come.



Family and friends are hidden treasures; enjoy their riches.



Give more than you planned to.



Hang on to your dreams.



Ignore those who try to discourage you.



Just do it.



Keep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier.



Love yourself first and most.



Make it happen.



Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal.



Open your eyes and see things as they really are.



Practice makes perfect.



Quitters never win and winners never quit.



Read, study and learn about everything important in your life.



Stop procrastinating.



Take control of your own destiny.



Understand yourself in order to better understand others.



Visualize it.



Want it more than anything.



Extra efforts.



You are unique of all God's creations, nothing can replace YOU.



Zero in on your target and go for it!

Marketing-Man-Explaination

MARKETING MAN EXPLAINING


THE REASON FOR

HAVING TWO WIFES
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Monopoly is always damaging

&

Competition improves service

Quotes-At-Various-Places

# Sign on a railway station at Patna:
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.

# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!


# Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.


# Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
We need your heads to run our business.


# A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will be.....



#THE BEST ONE:
Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god."

Colledge-Days

Note: PLZ READ THIS WITH PROPER FACIAL EXPRESSION AND VOICE MODULATION

Reminds of those College days.... years of non-stop masti... Aint U nostalgic tooo… read on …


1. On being Late To Lecture

"Kab chalu hua?"

"Attendance ho gayakya??"

"Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar"

"Aab neend nahi khuli to mein kya karu........ . bol na ....... kal kya padaya tha sir ne"

"Kal se pakka jaldi class karunga"

"Ek page de na.......... abe pen bhi to de......."

"Kal proxy mara tha kya"

"Yaar iss class ke liye koi subah kaise aa sakta hai........"







2. During the lecture

"Yesss!!!! Sir.......The answer is

......huuuummmmm. ......aaaaaaaa. ......... .."

"No sir.....I know the answer ......sir... ."

"Saala apne aapko Newtonsamajta hai"( maan hi maan )

"Abe lecture ko chod..... Anjali kya lag rahi hai aaj........"

"Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha.......gadha. ......"

"mera assignment tere paas hai??"

"Kya bore ho raha hai. Bola tha cigarette pene chalte hain ."

"Heads, we go canteen , Tails, we go canteen now!!!"

"Boss class khatam hote hi chai chahiye..... ."






3. Lab

"Expt. 2 likha??"

"Idhar Karna kya hai??"

"Yeh bhai.....mereko aata to tere pass kyon aata........ "

"Areee tu to bura maan gaya.......data dikha na........."







4. Unit Test

"Unit test???? ......Aree yaar...... "

"Kya...... abe unit test mein itna topic hai to annual mein kya hoga...."

"Boss..... hogaya...... aur nahi ho sakta....... .jaan nahi de sakta....... "

"Oh !!! Itna syllabus cover ho gaya?"

"Aaj kounsa test hai?"

"Oye Sanjiv kaha hai......uska roll number mere baad hai.......wo nahi aaya to mein pakka fail...."

After test......

"yaar pada tha....recall nahi kar paya.......chhod na ....... Canteenchalega. .."







5. For attendance (less attendance isliye attendance badane ke liye bahane)

"I was in the class, lecturer mark karna bhool gaya"

"Oye usko thoda khus kar list se tera naam hata dega........ "

"Bola tha proxy regularly maar....... Saaletera class karne ka kya faida hua....."




6. Late submission of assignments

"Maineukko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein submit kar dena"

"Last date extend hua thaa"

"I didn't know the last date"

"Ab mein kya karu wo mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya......."

"They should allow XEROX....... ."







7 . After exam

"Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya?"

"Achha !!! ye aise hota hai kya?"

"Ye subject ka reference book kounsa hai"

"1st mein 3 marks.....2nd mein 0.......3rd mein 2....... Gaya........ ..fail pakka....... "

"Yaar notice lagte hi faad dena........ wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh kar......"







8 . VIVA (b4 exam)

"Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"

"Aeee......Rohit. ....terese kya poocha...... ."

"External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya......."

"Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ka ab tak preparation nahi hua hai"










9 . VIVA (General)

"Dekh , tu jo bhi padhega , woh (external) tereko woh nahi poochhnewaala, then watz the point"

"Roll no. 1 aur 2 ka watt laga diya hai"

"External is asking BermudaTriangle ka Magnetic force kitna hai"

"Ye kounse unit mein aata hai"










10 . Submission

"Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?"

"Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"

"Jai ho computer baba ki......jai ho Ctrl C - Ctrl V ki......."

"Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?"




11 . A convo:

"Ye tune kya likha hai????"

(The best one)

"Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai

uska drawing nikal"

"Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??"

" Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya, tu bhi wohi kar."

"Koi hint........ "

"Are baba ghasit de........na tu samjega na wo........"







12. Exam

"Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai woh aata hai"

"ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai"

"ye last time hi poochha thaa"

"tere paas is ke notes hai??"

"woh chapter... mark weightage 6 marks... (facial ex-pressions speaks the story)"

"nahi samjha to rat le"

"External ka aane ka pura scene hai....... "

"Iss paper mein roll number ka kya order hai........"

"Pichle paper mein to kuch to aata tha.......issmein to anda aata hai......"

"Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya........"

Good-PJ-Internet-Explorer

Woh kaun sa hindi geet hai jis main "Internet Explorer" ka zikar kiya gaya hai

Hint: The heroine also refers to herself as Internet Explorer.

If you don't know...

Scroll down for the answer...

Scroll further down
























A bit more

The answer is... Maine Pyar Kiya.

And the song goes....

Aajaa shaam hone IE (Internet Explorer)

Mausam ne lee angada IE

To kis baat ki hai lada IE

Tu chal........ Main IE !!!

Wedding-SQL-Query

Wedding Query....... . (SQL Server Stored Procedure Style)

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
@ BrideGroom Char(NotBad) ,
@ Bride Char(Good)
AS
BEGIN

SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE
FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND
CarCount > 2 AND
HouseStatus ='TwoStoreyed' AND
BrideEduStatus='PG orAbove' AND
HavingBrothers='NO' AND
HavingSisters ='No' AND
AllowRelocate ='YES'

SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalan ce FROM FatherInLaw

UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyB al = MyBal + FatherinLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherinLawGold

INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW')

END
GO

.

.

.

Then the wife writes the below query:

DROP HUSBAND

Commit

How-To-Make-Woman-Happy

To make a woman happy .......

A man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master

7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little
yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself

52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where
she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes





&

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:



1. Leave him alone

How-To-Identify-Cities-In-India

How to Identify Cities in India

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkata

Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them
and walks on.
That's Mumbai

Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to
make peace.The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi

Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes
along and quietly opens a chai-stall
That's Ahmedabad.

Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a
software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos
of a bug in the program.
That's Bangalore

Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes
along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense.
Peace comes in.
That's Chennai.

Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call
their friends on mobile. Now the whole state is fighting.
You are DEFINITELY IN BIHAR

HR-Question-With-Right-Answers

Honestly, we will have these answers in our mind ...
but we give different, tailored and suitable answers
to the guy !

1.Why did you apply for this job?

I have applied for many jobs along with this and just
because you called me I am here.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?

I have to work for some company who ever gives me a
job, I don't have any specific company in mind.

3. Why should I hire you?

You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.

4.What would you do if this happened?

Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that
situation...

5.What is your biggest strength?

Basically, daring to join any company who pays me
well, without thinking of the fate of the company or
the project.

6.What is your biggest weakness?

Girls

7.What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn
from it?

Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to
jump to get more money, so I am here today

8.What accomplishments in your last position are you
most proud of?

Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I
need to change my job? I could demand more and stay
there.

9.Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame
it?

Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are
you looking for a change" and I started blabbering
irrelevantly to overcome that.

10.Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?

For the same reason why you left your earlier job

11.What do you want from this job?

Sitting idle but keep giving good hikes

12.What are your career goals and how do you plan to
achieve them?

Make more money and for that keep jumping companies
for every 2 yrs

13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know
of us?

Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through
your website

14.What is the salary expected and how do justify
that?

Well, no one will change job for the same salary,
hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and
that is unpublished industry standard

(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask,hence, I
have already hiked my current salary by 30%)

Stupid-Questions-Great-Answers

STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS


BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.




GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...




GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??




GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple



GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??




MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.




WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear
and comes out of the
other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both
ears and comes out of the mouth.




MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What
do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.




Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".




Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father
is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".




Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a
donkey and stopped him,
what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".




Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
cook".




Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of
COINCIDENCE?"
Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on
the same day and at the
same time."

lets-see-your-logic

This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking .
Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself.

Think like a wizard . . .

man
1. ------------
board

Ans. = man overboard

Okay, let's see if you've got the hang of it.

stand
2. ------------
i

Ans. = I understand

OK . . .

Got the drift ?

Let's try a few now and see

how you fare ?

3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/ g/

Ans. = reading between the lines

!

4. r
road
a
d

Ans. = cross road

Not having a good day now, are you ?

Redeem yourself.

5. cycle
cycle
cycle

Ans. = tricycle

Not easy to figure out ha!

0
6. ------------
M.D.
Ph.D.

Ans. = two degrees below zero

C'mon give it a little thought ! !

knee
7. ------------
light

Ans. = neon light

!

( knee - on - light )

U can prove u r smart by getting this one.

ground
8. ------------ ---
feet feet feet feet feet feet

Ans. = six feet underground

Oh no, not again ! !

9. he's X himself

Ans. = he's by himself

Now u messing up big time.

10. ecnalg

Ans. = backward glance

Not even close ! !

11. death ..... life

Ans. = life after death

Okay last chance ............ ......

12. THINK

!

Ans. = think big ! !

And the last one is real fundoo - - -

13. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbb ababaabbaaabbbb. ..

Ans. = long time no 'C'

( see )

6-principles-of-life

Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people.

A simple way to make a good impression.
The expression one wears on one's face if far more important than the clothes one wears on one's back. Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, " I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you." You must have a good time meeting people i f you expect them to have a good time meeting you. You don't feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy. "Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not." -William James. Happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions. It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it. "There is nothing either good or bad," said Shakespeare, "but thinking makes it so." Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds.

Principle 2: Smile.

If you don't do this, you are headed for trouble
The average person is more interested in his or her own name than all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it-and you have plac e yourself at a sharp disadvantage. Whenever you meet a new acquaintance, find out his or her complete name and some facts about his or her family, business or political opinions. Fix all these facts well in mind as part of the picture, and the next time you meet that person, even if it was a year later, you will be able to shake hands, inquire after the family, and ask about the hollyhocks in the backyard. Sometimes it is difficult to remember a name, particularly if it is hard to pronounce. Rather than even try to learn it, many people ignore it or call the person by an easy nickname. Most people don't remember names, for the simple reason that they don't take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds. If you don't hear the name distinctly say excuse me I didn't get your name clearly. Then, if it is an unusual name, ask how it is spelled. Use the person's name several times in the conversation; try to associate it in your mind with the person's featur es, expression and general appearance. Then, when you are alone write the name down on a piece of paper, look at it, and concentrate on it, fix it securely in your mind, in this way you will gain an eye impression of the name as well as an ear impression.

Principle 3: Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

An easy way to become a good conversationalist
Listen intently; listen because you are genuinely interested. That kind of listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone. The chronic kicker, even the most violent critic, will frequently soften and be subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener-a listener who will be silent with the irate fault-finger dilates like a king cobra and spews the poison out of his system. Be more eager to hear what a person has to say then even they are to tell it. Many people prefer good list eners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait. All we want when we are in trouble is a friendly, sympathetic listener to unburden yourself. That is frequently all the irritated customer wants, and the dissat isfied employee or the hurt friend. If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don't wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence. If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

How to interest people
The royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most. Make an effort to find out what interests the person then get them talking about it. Talking in terms of the other person's interests pays off for both parties. When asked what reward he got from it, Mr. Herzig responded that he not only received a different reward from each person but that in general the reward had been an enlargement of his life each time he spoke to someone.

Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

How to make people like you instantly.
Ask yourself " What is there about him or her that I can honestly admire?" That is sometimes a hard question to answer, especially with strangers. You want approval of those with whom you come in contact. You want recognition of your true worth. You want a feeling that your are important in our little world. You don't want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation. So let's obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us. How? When? Where? The answer is all the time, everywhere. Use little phrases such as "I'm sorry to trouble you, ___." "Would you please ___?" "Won't you please?" "Would you mind?" "Thank you." The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.

Principle 6: Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.